Running Time:  95 minutes
Writer: Juan Miguel Aguilera
Director: Luna
Starring: María Lidón, Vincet Gallo, Joaquim de Almeida, Maria de Medeiros
Available From: Amazon.com

Perhaps it was something in the water, or - more appropriately - in the stars, but when we closed the book on the last century several film producers decided that Mars was the ultimate cinematic landscape. In 2000-2001, there were no less than three major releases set on our curious red-faced neighbor, John Carpenter’s non-return-to-form, Ghosts of Mars, the well cast, but inane Red Planet, and the DePalma debacle Mission to Mars. As one can tell from this roll call, Mars isn’t the only similarity shared between these pictures: they are all pretty lousy movies to boot.

Incredibly, there was another member of this Millennial Mars Movie Marathon, a smaller independent production from Spain called Stranded. Far more akin to slower, quieter science fiction films like Solaris, The Fountain and even 2001: A Space Odyssey, Stranded eschews titanic action sequences and instead focuses intimately on a doomed crew of astronauts manning the first human mission to the red planet. Their plight is unoriginal: a malfunction occurs as the landing craft penetrates the Martian atmosphere and control is lost, crashing the astronauts onto the barren planet’s surface. The story from here, however, is pretty intriguing. With the soonest a rescue ship can arrive being 26 months, the only way any of five remaining crew can survive is if three of them leave the wrecked ship. This will leave the remaining two survivors with enough air and supplies to last the long wait for rescue. Of course, to leave the ship is certain death, but to stay means everyone will die. It’s a what-if premise that reads like the foundation for a compelling, dramatic science fiction drama.

Too bad it’s not.

In terms of quality, Stranded unfortunately ends up “stranded” in the middle of the pack when compared to its cinematic cousins; not as bad as Mission to Mars, but not as fun (read: not as glibly insane) as Ghosts of Mars. And that’s rather surprising given the movie has about the worst opening 10 minutes of anything you’re likely to run across. Ever.

If it weren’t for some nicely rendered visual effects that convey a sturdy realism to the proceedings, it would be easy for a viewer to initially read the film as a parody. The acting, if one can stretch the term liberally enough to call what several of these folks are doing onscreen as “acting”, is so atrociously wooden that it’s easy to lose track of what’s happening as the story is being set-up. Once the crew is mired in its dour circumstance, the film's central themes propel the narrative just enough so that it's possible to pay attention despite a continued dearth of emotion on the part of the performers. It's likely you'll find more expression on the face of a clock than any of these people.

The most serious offender, and perhaps the reason several other talents are sub-par here when they've performed well in other pictures, is actress/director María Lidón who helmed the picture hiding behind the pseudonym Luna. Lidón is a rather attractive, if mousy presence that exudes a kind of softness that would perhaps be at home in a bouncy romantic comedy. A silent romantic comedy. Here she plenty of lines, however, as she plays the unwilling, by-default leader of the astronauts, and her inability to summon more than a blank-faced stare robs most scenes of emotional impact in a fashion so astounding that it makes Keanu Reeves look like Al Pacino. Not helping matters any is Danel Aser, a handsome-enough guy who plays the resident all-around good-hearted astro-botanist and friend to all. When things get bad, he remains optimistic to a fault, but Aser, in his only credited acting role, recites his dialogue with the conviction of a Speak-and-Spell.

Such emotional “restraint” actually appears as if it may have been a conscious decision on the part of director Lidón, as the usually reliable Joaquim de Almeida (Clear and Present Danger) and Maria de Medeiros (Henry & June) seem like they've taken a swim in a vat of Paxil. Only Vincent Gallo, as the passionate and unlikeable systems expert who devises the plan for survival, is allowed to show more than a flicker of emotion. How one-note it is then to see Gallo doing his usual sleazy/creepy shtick when he and lovely, cupie-doll-faced Medeiros are left alone in the capsule to debate how they will spend their last hours together. Here's a hint: his idea isn't that they play cards.

Perhaps an even more difficult to overcome hurdle for Stranded is the fact that few of the actors truly fit their roles. As mentioned, Lidón and Aser are abysmal but at least Aser looks his part somewhat. Lidón as a tough as nails leader? No. Maria de Medeiros as a good girl, Catholic crew doctor named Jenny Johnson? Uh-uh. Gallo as an ultra-intelligent and resourceful engineer? Not buying it. And while he's not necessarily miscast, the sheer appearance of Johnny Ramone (yes, THAT Johnny Ramone) orbiting Mars as the communications liaison between the marooned crew and Earth is so bizarre, it startles during the opening credits. Or maybe it does make sense, as “I Wanna Be Sedated” could have been Lidón's onset mantra.

On a technical level, Stranded is mostly a success, the Spanish effects and production crew proving they can create striking imagery on par with a Hollywood production costing tens of millions more. For his part, cinematographer Ricardo Aronovich does a nice job of making everything appear convincing enough, those Martian vistas looking, well... appropriately Mars-like. And the production designers should be commended for some authentic looking equipment, even if at one point it is revealed the realistically rendered spacesuits have helmets with facemasks that just rest on fabric in their closed position. A non-air-tight space helmet? Kind of sucks the air out of the drama, (pun intended). Despite this mis-step, it really is the technical proficiency that ultimately saves Stranded from being a total waste of time. It's almost as though you can buy into these rather unreal characters and their drama because everything around them seems impressively credible.

The story veers into a somewhat interesting, but largely derivative third act when the expelled astronauts roaming the desolate surface of the planet stumble upon evidence of a now-deceased alien civilization. By this point, there have been a lot of wide-shots of three small, white-suited figures crossing a series of dusty red landscapes and plenty of incessant babble about heroism and mortality. If guided by a more expert hand than Lidón, all of this rumination could have rung a little more true. But like most of Stranded, it all feels pretty tone deaf. By the time the somewhat satisfying ending shows up, you'll likely be less surprised by its big reveal than you will by the fact you actually made it through the entire thing.